


Larry-Oke 13: Boys Versus Girls

by SRassier



Series: Larry-oke [13]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Humor, Jealousy, Karaoke, Larry trying to keep the peace, Unwanted love triangle, boys vs girls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:14:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29441721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SRassier/pseuds/SRassier
Summary: It's a battle of the sexes at Larry-oke. Allison and Five have an interesting bet giving quite the prize to the winner.Also, Stacy is still trying to remove herself from the VERY unwanted love triangle of her, Five, and Dot.
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/Original Male Character(s), Number Five | The Boy/Dot/Original Characters (not seriously)
Series: Larry-oke [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1717192
Kudos: 4





	Larry-Oke 13: Boys Versus Girls

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the song list. This whole entry was inspired by the video for Step by Step so I would highly recommend checking that one out.
> 
> Truth Hurts by Lizzo  
> Poison by Bel Biv Devo  
> Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindi Lauper  
> Tennessee Whiskey by Chris Stapleton  
> Make Me Feel by Janelle Monet  
> It's Not Unusual by Tom Jones  
> Crazy On You by Heart  
> The Boys are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy  
> Jolene by Dolly Parton  
> Sixty Minute Man by Billy Ward and His Dominoes  
> Don't Rain on My Parade by Barbara Streisand  
> Big Balls by AC/DC  
> Who Run the World by Beyoncé  
> Step By Step by New Kids on the Block

The silence was palpable as the Hargreeves family sauntered into Hannigan’s bar on Saturday night. Larry-oke is the one place that they all seemed to enjoy, where everyone got along as best as they could. Tonight, however, was the exception.

Ever since Larry had announced that tonight would be “boys vs girls” there had been tension within the Hargreeves clan as they were known to be extremely competitive. The poster children for this particular competition seemed to be Allison and Five. Larry’s phone had been blowing up all week with questions about what the other was going to serve for this epic battle of the sexes. 

Larry was certainly having fun with the theme nights but when Five told him that he and Allison had a very interesting bet riding on this particular contest, Larry got a bit nervous. He knew the family wasn’t hurting for money so when he asked what the stakes were and Five simply said: “pride” he nearly called the whole thing off.

When he was finished setting up, he stole a glance over to the family in question. Klaus and Vanya seemed to be the only ones having a good time chatting and laughing with each other. Diego was brooding as per usual, Luther was glancing around nervously, no doubt wondering if the song he chose was good enough to represent the guys, and Five and Allison were staring daggers at each other from across the table.

“Well, I better get this show on the road,” Larry grabbed his mic and opened the show as he always did but this time when the crowd normally shouted back “Larry-oke!” he could only hear Five and Allison’s monotone voices muttering it out of habit as they tried to murder each other with a simple look.

Larry saw Klaus’ name on a slip and knew he had to go first with his song choice. When he got up to the stage, Larry asked, “you know this is boys vs girls right?”  
“Yeah baby…I’m playing for both teams,” he leaned over to Larry and whispered into his ear, “if you know what I mean.” He placed a quick kiss on his cheek and busted out a version of Truth Hurts by Lizzo that was way more stripper than singer.

Larry decided to get some non-Hargreeves singers up, to ease the place into the boys vs girls sing off. A group of college guys got up and gave a passable version of Poison by Bel Biv Devo. After the applause died down, he brought up a group of ladies to get the bar on their feet with a rousing rendition of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindi Lauper.

Larry knew that he could not put off the inevitable forever. He decided to get right to it and called Five up to the stage. He could see Stacy flinch from behind the bar as the old man in a teenage body winked at her as he took the mic from Larry. He announced to the bar that “this is going out to a very special bartender.” Stacy huffed and ducked into the back room leaving Anthony to tend bar while she was serenaded through the curtain. When Five hit the chorus, singing soulfully, “You’re as smooth….as Tennessee Whiskey. You’re as sweet as strawberry wine.” Stacy could be heard to groan from the back room and Larry swears he heard her bang her head against the wall.

Larry decided that a palate cleanser was needed after that awkward display and called Vanya and Klaus up to the stage. They did not disappoint with a fun performance of Make Me Feel by Janelle Monet.

The bar was back to the fun vibe and to continue the energy, Larry called up Luther to bring down the house with an adorably awkward version of It’s Not Unusual by Tom Jones. Larry even found himself doing a little bit of “The Carlton” behind his desk. Thankfully, none of the Spaceboy Fan Club threw underwear up on the stage. Larry had to draw the line somewhere.

Allison was up next. As she passed Five, he rolled his eyes and she simply smirked, knowing that whatever she sang was going to be mighty hard to beat. When the opening riff of Crazy On You started, a look of worry flashed across Five’s face for a fraction of a second. He replaced it with his usual smug snark, but Larry noticed and wondered how he was even going to compete with Allison’s powerhouse vocals. As Allison left the stage, she looked back at Klaus, Diego, and Herb taking her place and shot Five a look that screamed, “Follow that.”

The trio did not disappoint as they rocked out to The Boys are Back in Town by Thin Lizzy, complete with an air guitar solo from Herb which sent the crowd over the top. When they were done, Larry looked over to Five and Allison. She didn’t seem worried, and he appeared to be getting angrier at her lack of concern.

Stacy had finally come out of hiding and was back to her position at the bar when yet another song was dedicated to the poor bartender. Dot stormed up on stage and looked directly at the woman as she belted out Jolene by Dolly Parton. Stacy was visibly uncomfortable while Anthony was doubled over laughing. Larry made a mental note to try and fix this whole Five debacle as soon as he can.

Larry was enthralled by the battle of wills happening over at the Hargreeves table as regulars and newbies alike came up and added their own spin on the Boys vs Girls theme. When another Hargreeves name came up, Larry called it out and Diego walked past Five, giving the teen a fist bump. Five never took his eyes off Allison as Diego worked the crowd (in particular the women) as he told them all he was a “Sixty Minute Man.”

Allison didn’t look impressed and actually made the motion of patting her hand on her mouth as if she was yawning, causing Five to get increasingly flustered. He just about lost it when Allison’s secret weapon walked through the door to the bar. Larry followed their eyes to see Grace come through the door. Immediately Five jumped up from his seat and shouted at Allison, “That’s cheating, and you know it!”   
Grace simply strolled over to him and placed her hand on his cheek. “Oh dear, it’s only a game. I’ll love you whether you win or lose.”  
Five looked positively embarrassed as he slunk down into his seat and watched as his mother belted out Don’t Rain on My Parade in a perfect Barbara Streisand impression.

Larry didn’t want to miss out on the fun of theme night. He hit play on his choice and got the crowd to their feet with a cheeky version of Big Balls by AC/DC. It was always a crowd favorite because as Larry learned early in his career drunk people like to scream things. The dirtier, the better.

With only time for a few more songs, Larry had special requests by Allison and Five for their “group numbers.” He called up Allison and she was followed by nearly every girl who’s face was seen often at Hannigan’s bar. Vanya, Dot, Stacy, Emily Grace, and a slew of other regulars stood behind her as she busted out a Beyonce worthy Run the World. When she asked, “who run the world?” and was answered by all the women in the bar yelling back “GIRLS!” Larry thought that the boys had been beat fair and square. He cast a glance over to Five thinking he’d find the young-looking man looking defeated. Instead, he saw that same smug look that the kid carried with him since the day Larry met him. He looked down at the slip Five had turned in and wondered how in the hell his song choice could beat Allison ‘Freakin’ Hargreeves and company doing Beyonce. Larry cued up the New Kids on the Block song as Five strutted up to the stage followed by Luther, Diego, Herb, and Klaus. Allison sat down to watch, not expecting what was about to happen.

The 80’s pop began and immediately all the guys chimed in with a chorus of, “Step by Step, ooh baby…gonna get to you giiiirl.” Then the show began. Luther, Diego, Herb, Klaus and a newly manifested Ben began what could only be called ‘choreographed dancing’ behind Five. Their feet moved in unison crossing in front of their bodies touching the floor and moving back as Five crooned, “Hey girl, in your eyes, I see a picture of me, all the time.” The boys turned to their right and clapped before jumping up and turning 180 degrees to face the other way before nodding their heads in unison as they sang the chorus. Larry couldn’t help but notice Allison’s jaw dropped at the site of what was clearly a rehearsed number.

The real treat came with the solos. Larry watched in awe as the group took their turns at the microphone as the others counted it out; “Step One!” They all yelled, and Luther stepped up to the front calling out, “we can have lots of fun.”   
“Step TWO!”  
Diego smoothly sang, “There’s so much we can do.”  
“Step THREE!”  
In an impressive show of falsetto, Herb chimed in with the line, “It’s just you and me.”  
“Step FOUR!”  
“I can give you more,” Ben sang.  
“Step FIVE!”   
Klaus finished off the solos with, “Don’t you know that the time has arrived.”  
The men jumped back into formation with a “Huh!” before Five stepped back out in front to finish out the song. Their choreography got even more impressive before finally ending to the sound of the bar losing their minds over the performance.

After the excitement had started to ebb and last call had been announced, Larry headed over to the Hargreeves table to find out who one. He was also dying to know what the ‘prize’ was. As he approached, he heard Allison and Five arguing.   
“You cheated,” Five was accusing. “Having Mom sing…that’s low, even for you.”  
“What do you mean, I cheated?” Allison spat back. “What the hell was that choreographed bull shit?”  
Five stood up and made a show of straightening his tie before clearing his throat. “What? A bunch of guys can’t learn how to dance? Is that a crime now?”  
Allison scoffed as Anthony came over to the table and sat down, Klaus plopping down on his lap. Klaus sidled up to him and asked, “Ok babe, who’s the winner? And keep in mind, I was on both teams, so my performances do NOT count!”

Everyone turned to Anthony and waited. He made a show of rubbing his chin in deep thought. Finally, when Larry thought Allison and Five might both have aneurisms waiting, he announced. “I’m sorry, but I am a sucker for synchronized dancing. I’m gonna have to give it to the boys.”  
“NOOOO!!!” Allison’s scream could probably be heard all the way back at the mansion as Five walked up to her and patted her on the shoulder. “Don’t worry sis, it’s only a month.”  
Larry leaned over to Vanya who was looking at her sister with pity. “What the hell was the bet?”  
“The loser has to be the winner’s slave for a month.”  
“Come now,” Five called out to Allison. “All that dancing, I’m going to need a foot rub before bed.” He walked out of the bar, a defeated Allison following reluctantly behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, another Larry-oke for you all to love/hate/wonder what the hell is wrong with me.
> 
> Still taking song suggestions and comments are always welcome. 
> 
> Next up: Larry is going to try to fix this whole Five/Stacy/Dot situation...Good luck, Larry!


End file.
